"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak."

"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite gooda€|Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."

"You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that."

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."

"How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?"

"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'"

"Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them."

"Friendship is being there when someone's feeling low and not being afraid to kick them."

"When someone allows you to bear his burdens, you have found deep friendship."

"Friends were like clothes: fine while they lasted but eventually they wore thin or you grew out of them."

"You're supposed to trust friends. You have no reason to be his friend? That is part of the pleasure of friendship: trusting without absolute evidence and then being rewarded for that trust."

"There was a definite process by which one made people into friends, and it involved talking to them and listening to them for hours at a time."