"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak."

"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite gooda€|Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."

"You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that."

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."

"Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances."

"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"

"Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known."

"Real freedom is having nothing. I was freer when I didn't have a cent."

"The blend of fiction, bigotry and jingoism became known as 'yellow journalism.' Later, the phrase was shortened to 'journalism.'"

"What is hardest to accept about the passage of time is that the people who once mattered the most to us are wrapped up in parentheses."

"We confide in our strength, without boasting of it; we respect that of others, without fearing it."

"All of us want to do well. But if we do not do good, too, then doing well will never be enough."