"Immature love says, 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says, 'I need you because I love you.'"

"Machines take me by surprise with great frequency."

"Funny is an attitude."

"In forming a judgment, lay your hearts void of foretaken opinions; else, whatsoever is done or said, will be measured by a wrong rule; like them who have jaundice, to whom everything appears yellow."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"How many legs does a dog have if you count his tail as a leg? Four. You can call a tail a leg if you want to, but that doesn't make it a leg."

"If rich people could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living."

"Only if we understand, will we care. Only if we care, will we help. Only if we help shall all be saved."

"Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone."

"Death is the only grammatically correct full stopa€|"