"ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity."

"LODGER, n. A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer."

"Childhood, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age."

"ENVELOPE, n. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter."

"DRAMATIST, n. One who adapts plays from the French."

"PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by pressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience."

"Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or less seriously, proposes some method of fortifying the human soul and enabline it to make its peace with its destiny."

"A man I am cross'd with adversity."

"For you to be successful, sacrifices must be made. It's better that they are made by others but failing that, you'll have to make them yourself."

"Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it."

"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."

"To no one will we sell, to no one will we refuse or delay right or justice."