"He who would pass his declining years with honor and comfort, should, when young, consider that he may one day become old, and remember when he is old, that he has once been young."

"I value my garden more for being full of blackbirds than of cherries, and very frankly give them fruit for their songs."

"What an absurd thing it is to pass over all the valuable parts of a man, and fix our attention on his infirmities."

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

"Ridicule is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking everything praiseworthy in human life."

"A misery is not to be measured from the nature of the evil, but from the temper of the sufferer."

"The key to gainful employment is creating a work environment and filing system too complex to train a new person on. Competency gets you work. Confusion keeps you employed."

"Opinions mean nothing; they may be beautiful or ugly, clever or foolish, anyone can embrace or reject them."

"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity."

"When neither their property nor their honor is touched, the marjority of men live content."

"...But today it is the United States that lives in infamy, as its government adopts the foreign policies of Imperial Japan."

"VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit."