"I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it."

"The ultimate indignity is to be given a bedpan by a stranger who calls you by your first name."

"All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors."

"The Art of Love: knowing how to combine the temperment of a vampire with the discretion of an anemone."

"Men are rewarded or punished not for what they do but for how their acts are defined. That is why men are more interested in better justifying themselves than in better behaving themselves."

"Marriage is like paying an endless visit in your worst clothes."

"#3530. That which does not appear to exist is to be regarded as if it did not exist."

"I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on."

"The difference between visionaries and dreamers is that visionaries make the dreams come true."

"Nothing in life is promised except death."

"When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him."

"I am nobody, who are you? Are you nobody, too? Then that's a pair of us!"