"It is with our judgments as with our watches; no two go just alike, yet each believes his own."

"Our passions are like convulsion fits, which, though they make us stronger for a time, leave us the weaker ever after."

"A family is but too often a commonwealth of malignants."

"A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring"

"What will a child learn sooner than a song?"

"Ten censure wrong, for one that writes amiss."

"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'."

"The superfluous is very necessary."

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

"He who will not economize will have to agonize."

"PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne."

"If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick."