"The world is proof that God is a committee."

"I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away."

"Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person. And nothing pisses a person off more than being shoved into the wrong pigeonhole."

"Absence extinguishes small passions and increases great ones, as the wind blows out a candle, and blows in a fire."

"You won't learn much about capitalism at a university. How could you? Capitalism is a matter of risks and rewards, and a tenured professor doesn't have much to do with either."

"A healthy family is sacred territory."

"When a jar is broken, the space that was inside Merges into the space outside. In the same way, my mind has merged in God; To me, there appears no duality. Avadhuta Gita"

"The world began when I was born and the world is mine to win"

"The stupid neither forgive or forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."

"An actor is at most a poet and at least an entertainer."

"There is only one sin. That is weakness.... The only saint is that soul that never weakens, faces everything, and determines to die game."

"Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children."