"It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'"

"If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm."

"Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children."

"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."

"What we should have fought for was representation without taxation."

"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it."

"People seldom see the halting and painful steps by which the most insignificant success is achieved."

"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"

"It easeth some, though none it ever cured, to think their dolour others have endured."

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."

"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave."

"The way we see the problem is the problem."