"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down."

"The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you."

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."

"Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib."

"Thought: why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage."

"PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope."

"Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing."

"Anyone can revolt. It is more difficult silently to obey our own inner promptings, and to spend our lives finding sincere and fitting means of expression for our temperament and our gifts."

"He that gives should never remember, he that receives should never forget."

"Experience becomes possible because of language."

"I tell you the past is a bucket of ashes."