"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that."

"Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off."

"Why should I pay strangers to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?"

"I was coming home from kindergarten--well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves."

"Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends [life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness] it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government..."

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."

"War has become a luxury that only small nations can afford."

"Colleges typically did not tell you that ninety percent of your education came after you hung the parchment on the wall. People might ask for a rebate."

"A woman's whole life is a history of the affections."

"In the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, it's often useful to have a nice, solid piece of wood in your hands."