"It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull."

"Immortality is the condition of a dead man who doesn't believe he is dead."

"It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office."

"The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy."

"Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable."

"Historian: an unsuccessful novelist."

"A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

"A statesman is a politician who places himself at the service of the nation. A politician is a statesman who places the nation at his service."

"Freedom is a possession of inestimable value."

"The prospect of a long day at the beach makes me panic. There is no harder work I can think of than taking myself off to somewhere pleasant, where I am forced to stay for hours and 'have fun'."

"The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane."

"There was a young woman named Jenny, Whose limericks weren't worth a penny. Her rhythm and rhyme Were perfectly fine But whenever she tried to write any, She always had one line too many."