"Reason and Justice tell me that there is more love of man in electricity and steam, than in chastity and refusal to eat meat."

"Society's institutions, like government, schools, the arts, and the media, corrupt naturally good individuals."

"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public!"

"Most men who are not married by the age of thirty-five are either homosexual or really smart."

"A large section of the intelligentsia seems wholly devoid of intelligence."

"The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets."

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone. For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth, But has trouble enough of its own."

"There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey."

"Hammer the iron that lies on your anvil instead of daydreaming about working silver."

"Every once in a while, take the scenic route."

"You can't deny laughter. When it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants."