"No man is responsible for his father. That was entirely his mother's affair."

"Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry."

"You look after your empire; I'll look after myself."

"'It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,' he used to say. 'You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to."

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March, 1992, because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

"I'm furious about the Women's Liberationists. They keep getting up on soapboxes and proclaiming that women are brighter than men. That's true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket."

"Avoid falsehoods like the plague except in matters of taxation, which do not count, since here your are not lying to take someone else's goods, but to prevent your own from being unjustly seized."

"We are drowning in information and starved for knowledge."

"Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force! Like fire, it is a dangerous servant, and a fearful master."

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

"Lack of education is an extraordinary handicap when one is being offensive."

"The reason why so few people are agreeable in conversation is that each is thinking more about what he intends to say than about what others are saying, and we never listen when we are eager to speak."